Deal Breakers in Relationships

How to Destroy Your Relationships

I’ve come to realize that relationships are great teachers when both parties are aware and open-minded. We all need quality relationships in our life. We need people that know and understand us.

I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but any relationship. The expectations, beliefs and values of all parties involved makes it volatile and interesting. Relationships can blossom one day and go down in flames the next.

You can see this happening all around you. Some couples seem happy while others are not. What is it that separates working relationships from the ones that don’t work at all? No one really knows for sure and it will be different from case to case, but there will always be theories, and oh how we love theories!

Here are six different ways you can destroy your relationships (if you choose to):

"Attachment"
Even though relationships in and of themselves are about attachment, it is better to release it as much as possible. Being overly attached is being fearful. It signifies that you believe in scarcity. It’s easy to cling to someone when you think that you’ll never find another partner or friend as good as them. This is something that everyone goes through, but ultimately we all realize that it isn’t true. Every relationship will sooner or later pass and new ones will develop. That is the river of life. A big misconception is that love equals permanent attachment. You can love without being needy or attached.

"Control"
Attachment leads to control. Control is one of the biggest relationship breakers for me and I’ve become aware of the slightest amount of control exerted on me. It’s a deal breaker. I am all for submission and order in a relationship.There is a difference.Control comes in many forms, ranging from minor manipulation to exaggerated violence. Just look at how most romantic relationships start, they begin good because both parties are having fun, but as the relationship progresses and the initial infatuations vanish, fear enters the picture and bad stuff happens.

"Expectations"
Being disappointed is impossible without expectations. Take a hard, deep look at what you’re expecting to get out of each relationship you have. Sometimes adjusting your expectations can significantly change your relationship for the better. Clinging to old expectations that do not fit reality will completely destroy a relationship.I have found that a lot of couples walk around with hidden expectations never to verbally communicate their desires to their partner and truly become resentful because they didn't read their minds. TALK People;)

"Selfishness"
It’s easy to fall into selfishness and laziness in both relationships and personal development. It takes discipline to keep going and being aware of what the other person really wants. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t really want to do, but simply focus on how good someone else will feel. Serving others naturally feels good. We’re meant to help and love, as cliché as that sounds. Volunteer and I’ll guarantee you that you’ll feel better afterward. Life is more about giving than getting. Apply giving into you relationships and you’ll see that when you give, the other person is more likely to give as well. I was told for the longest that I wasn't a "Nurturer" only to find out once out of a situation that I am very much so a "Nurturer" Sometimes it helps if you change the negative input from others. It's truly amazing how much you desire to do and give to someone when you feel loved by them as well. It really pulls the best out on both ends.

"Non-Growth"
A relationship where one part is on the path of growth and the other is on the path of sloth is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later one person will start to outgrow the other, at which point the one lagging behind will start to feel uncomfortable because something is going on making them feel that they aren’t enough anymore. This is why so many people that start growing face so much resistance. If you grow, then that means something is wrong with the people that practice non-growth.

"Different Values"
Relationships can thrive without having the same values. I’m not saying that it can’t. What I’ve seen in my own life is that people that do not have the same big values or goals as I do tend to fall away. It all depends on what values are different. Companionship is a lot easier when both people have the same values.
Remember, it’s okay to move on. Sometimes relationships don’t work out.

There are no rules that bind you down, only the ones you make for yourself. Attracting the right people into your life is a key ingredient in making your relationships work. It’s not just about finding random people and making friends, it’s about finding the right people.

"NEXT" easier said than "DONE"

Love is defined in many ways. Ask anyone on the street for their definition of love, and you’ll get no two answers the same. The Bible defines love. Movies define love. Turn on the radio and you’ll get a definition of love. We see evidence of love in the unlikeliest of places and among the most unlikely of men and women. Your cat loves you. Your dog loves you. Your neighbor loves you. Your mom loves you.

Love is everywhere we look. It makes the world go round, you know.

Something I’ve learned in life, and I didn’t learn it the easy way...is that love...true love...real, unselfish, unconditional love...can be found most prevalently in the act of letting go. I know, I know...we’ve all heard the saying: "If you love something enough, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never really yours to begin with." As cliche as it might sound, it still holds true. I am learning that the most selfless act of love one person can show another person is to let them go. The inclination is always to beg, to cry, to plead for the other person to change their mind, forgive you, love you more, want you more, need you more...to show them why they can’t live without you...to prove to them that if they give you just one more chance, you’ll get it right this time. It’s human nature. It’s definitely my nature, as I typically refuse to give up without a fight. But if the person you love most in the world is struggling to break free...ready to move on...slipping through your fingers...regardless of how much it breaks your heart, shouldn’t you wish them the best and let them fly?

We have to let go. Not just for our own sake, but for the other person’s. Our hearts will never sing as long as we cling. When someone I love makes a choice, and his choice is not me...no matter how much I adore him and want to prove to him how wrong he was and how much he needs me in his life and how perfect we are for each other...I have to release him, and his memory, and trust that life and God has a plan for us both, even if it’s not together. And that moment, that decision, that act of letting the other person go...that’s our gift to them. At the end of the day and on the horizon of moving on, I guess our goodbye is really the only gift we have left to give.

Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest thing most of us will ever have to learn how to do...but still, we must do it. Because true love, real love, unselfish love...demands nothing less.

Turning Ur Scars into Stars

Quitting + Me= just not an option! I can honestly look back on my life and realize I made some terrible mistakes. I can’t go back and change anything that happened. I really don't know that I would if I could. These mistakes molded me into who I am today so I choose to realize they now have become learning experiences and I can certainly have a better future. There were many times I wanted to quit. I was at the end of my rope a few times. God gave me a little more slack! Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will end. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.


People will not always celebrate your diliverence or your change. They will become the devil's advocate trying to keep you tied to your previous circumstances,reminding you of who you were and making you doubt who you have become. Don't listen! YOU have the Authority as a child of God to delete them from your memory file of people who matter.. You will also discover that people from your past will gossip and lie about you(this is the devils way of keeping you bound as well if you allow) They will try to ambush any kind of new beginning for you..They can't touch you! They may benefit by keeping a few new people from becoming your friends because they decided to believe your past history rather than getting to know you themselves..This means you didn't need them either and in some way was God's protection for you...

I remember, at one point in my journey of reclaiming my life and healing as the new me when I felt a tremendous amount of defeat and discouragement. It felt like people from everywhere were gossiping about me....my human side was sad because they had NO idea of the situation and were judging me off of hear say and gossip(and my past)...I cried out to God about it his response to me was," Kimberly don't you say a word to any of them...don't retaliate! You just live so no one believes them!" Hard? YES! I obeyed God that night and he was right..! I discovered during this season of God doing reconstructive surgery on my heart a huge amount of unconditonal love for humans..I promised God that I would Never ever judge a book by it's covor and that I would love people right where they were in their journey..I promised that I would be there for people in my current situation so they didn't have to feel alone...I can truly say,"I am and have walked this out in the lives of others" I absolutely have a Love for people like never before...God turned my scars into scars and my pain into my pulpit....

The two most important things that changed my life. My faith in God (Having a relationship with Jesus) and a positive attitude everyday! By doing this I went from ordinary to extraordinary. People always say “Kimberly you’re always so happy, you’re always in a good mood” please know it isn’t like bad things don’t happen to me. I’m in the same economy as everyone else; I have problems I have to figure out everyday. I speak with friends that are going through things that break my heart. It’s not about the situation it’s how you react to the situation. I start my day with thanksgiving. It goes back to when we were kids how we always wanted things, but many times we forgot to say those words our parents reminded us of “Thank you” Try starting your day by thanking God. Thanking him for the chance to walk in a life free from torment, loneliness and confusion. For giving you wisdom in all that you do and for giving you decernment in your life to choose the right folk to surround yourself with...Then choose a great attitude. There is only 2 kinds of days you truly can have,"Great and Good" :))Your life will start changing!