How many times have you been told to "believe in" or to "feel good about yourself"? I had a mentor who advised me to kiss my reflection in the mirror and tell myself that i am beautiful and wonderful. I know some people who act like they’ve kissed their mirrors one too many times, but not me. I have suffered from insecurity and low self-esteem myself before.. I always say,"God was in a funny mood the day he created me!" He gave me to a mommy that stood 5'1 and 99 pounds wet.. He created me 5'9 and thick;)) I always felt like a amazon next to her petite frame! I now celebrate my body & image. Wouldn't want to be any different! I also faced a learning disability which led to me being very driven in everything i did. Trying to prove something to ME & everyone around me. I really was a train wreck for a while. Hurt people.. Hurt people! I hurt many Hearts of people I loved all because I didn't love me. Thank God I'm free from that & growing everyday! Healed people.. Heal people! This is why I now Love sooooo Much.. Even the Meanies;)) I realize no one truly wants to be mean.. It's a cover for their insecurities,hurt and pain that they haven't dealt with.. I truly believe everyone can change if they desire! I did;)
I’ve always seemed confident on the outside, but I’ve felt insecure inside, longing for someone to love me and believe in me. Just as many of you have. My gift from God was realizing it had to start in me so that I could be lovable.. I faced a life changing event 5 years ago that literally brought me to my knees. What the devil meant for evil.. God used for his Glory and healed my soul through it. Though I would never want anyone to face this nor would I ever want to relive it.. I am so grateful for what God did in my heart,life and soul! I surrendered during this season. I was desperate and allowed myself to be vulnerable to a good God. I realized he is a Kind, loving , gracious, forgiving God who desired for me to be whole and love life! I faced my fears and learned to love people & everything about me.. I was reborn in this season! Okay.. Let me get back on track here on talking about Self Esteem;)
Is Self-Esteem Necessary?
Society emphasizes the need for high self-esteem, but is it biblical? Some people think so. They point to Mark 12:31 as a biblical basis for cultivating self-love. That’s the passage where Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Proponents of self-love detect a third commandment, explaining that we cannot love our neighbor until we love ourselves. Hence, they say, our basic need is higher self-esteem. Yet this is a misinterpretation of Scripture. Ephesians 5:6 says, "No man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it. . . ." Rather than telling us to love ourselves, the Bible says we already love ourselves and predicts that self-esteem movements will rise in the last days. In fact, the only biblical reference to self love is negative. People will become "lovers of their own selves" (2 Timothy 3:2). Society’s emphasis on self-love is characteristic of a proud society. We are seeing ramifications of this all around us with how we've placed men & women of God up on high man made platforms holding them to unrealistic standards that they couldn't fulfill. They got puffed up by the praise and lost sight of the fear of God. This resulting in them falling into sin and hurting lots of saints who had them in the place of God in their lives.
The Bible contains plenty of examples of people who suffered from self-esteem problems. However, none suffered from low self-esteem. King Saul was doing just fine when he was "little in [his] own sight" (2 Samuel 15:17). When he became proud and decided to run his own show, however, his high self-esteem, manifested in disobedience, cost him his kingdom.
A rich man of the New Testament also paid a high price for high self-esteem. One year, his harvest was far more than he needed, so he came up with a plan to rip down his barns and build bigger ones to hold his excess food. Then he said to himself: "Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink and be merry" (Luke 12:18-19). Christ condemned this man for focusing on himself, calling him a fool. The rich man’s self-focus cost him his life that night.
Do you notice any similarities between the rich man’s words and the following? "I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most high" (Isaiah 14:13-14). These words, spoken by Satan, caused him to be thrown out of heaven. High self-esteem says,
"You are great; you have the ability and the right to make your own decisions and to run your own life, and no one should stop you—not even God." High self-esteem was the original sin.
Consider the apostle Paul. If anyone had cause to have high self-esteem, Paul did. He had attended a prestigious "Ivy League" school of his day. He was religious, extremely moral, and zealous in religious service. Yet the Lord gave him a "thorn in the flesh" to keep him from having high self-esteem. In 2 Corinthians 12:6, Paul says he would have enjoyed glorying in himself, yet he realized how foolish that would be. Only God deserved the credit for changing him from a pompous Pharisee to a humble servant of Christ.(This is how I feel.. I'm humbled to be a voice for my God;) Though Paul asked God to take his weakness away, the request was denied. Instead, Christ gave Paul something better: Christ-dependence. Listen to the Lord’s promise: "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" (v. 9).
Is Christ Sufficient?
If having high self-esteem is so unbiblical, why do Christians still think they need it? Self-esteem rears its head when we refuse to believe that Christ is sufficient in our weakness and when we claim credit for the abilities, accomplishments, and strengths God has given us. Our need for self-esteem is basically pride—essentially stealing attention away from God. In our culture where the self-made man and the empowered woman are our role models, weakness is not a virtue. We would rather feel strong and self-sufficient than to be dependent on someone else. If we realize that Christ can love us, use us, change us, and give us grace in our weaknesses, then Christ is the One we need, not ourselves. (whew.. I'm blessing myself & speaking to myself! This makes me love God even more!;)
You have a choice. You can choose to believe in yourself or Christ but not both. If we really believe that Christ is sufficient in our weakness—that Christ’s strength, beauty, sovereignty, and perfection are far greater than our weakness—then we won’t need to raise our self-esteem. When we admit that we are weak and that God is strong, we become people God can use for His glory. We aren't puffed up.. We realize we're just a sinner, saved by grace.. We're so humbled and grateful, we can't help but be contagious in his love! We walk everyday in the whole armor of God and give him all the glory!
How do we combat self-esteem and cultivate Christ-esteem? We need to think realistically about who we are in light of who God is. Try this: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four columns. In the first column, list your weaknesses, and in the second column, write down verses that show how God can be glorified through each one. A verse that helps me overcome the jitters when I'm faced with standing & ministering in front of a group of saints that I respect and admire.. I find myself feeling at times like they should be up there more than I... (Yes, this happens to me;) one of my verses is Psalm 144:1: "Blessed be the LORD my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight." I am chosen to minister the gospel and I can do all things thru Christ who strengthen me! He turned my scars into stars and my pain into my pulpit.. Thank the Lord for how He can and will use your weaknesses to show His strength, power, and grace in your life. (Note: If you cannot be thankful for your weaknesses, you are showing roots of bitterness against God. Confess that and then thank Him.)
In the third column, write your strengths and pray two things about each one: First, ask God to prevent you from boasting in them (2 Corinthians 12:9). Recognize that it is only by His grace you have strengths and abilities; Second, entrust each strength to the Lord, asking Him to use your strengths to glorify Himself. Finally, in the fourth column, write down Bible verses that will help you to resist the temptation to be proud of your strengths. Girls, do you think that you are (as my guy friends used to say) a "super luscious babe"? Memorize Proverbs 31:30: "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." But wait, guys, you’re not off the hook. If you think you’re a "chick magnet," consider Eliab, King David’s good-looking older brother. His looks did not impress God, who said, "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7). If we pray submissively and think biblically, God will give grace to meet our needs (Philippians 4:6-19).
When we acknowledge our powerlessness compared to that of a holy, righteous, omnipotent God, we realize we have nothing to glory in. We are left in awe of the God of the universe who fearfully and wonderfully made each of us to be exactly who we are (Psalm 139:14). He is also the God who provides His Spirit to help us in our weakness (Romans 8:26). We can confidently depend on Christ when we’re feeling weak! "For when I am weak, then am I strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10).
I am learning that I don’t need someone to believe in me when my almighty, loving Father has chosen me and is working in my life to make me like His Son. Everyday is a new day of me growing more & more in him..He is the One we need to esteem. We need only Him. That just rawks to ME! I pray this touched you and gives you a new understanding of just how precious you are to our father! I love each one of you to pieces and believe in you greatly! Bless you!
Kimberly Jones
Welcome to my World
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
There is Purpose in Your Pain
There is purpose right where you are, although you may want to argue against such a statement. Whether raising a child with special needs, caring for an elderly parent, mentoring a suicidal teen, or enduring personal chronic pain, most will pass through a lonely tunnel which leads to what I call “The Cave.”
Think of “The Cave” as a word picture. How would you describe it? I picture a damp, musty, and dark place, with sharp rocks all around. Why on earth would anyone choose to go into such a place! Not many of us would. However, some of us feel like we’ve been thrown into a dark, long-forgotten cavern without hope of rescue. What can we do when we find ourselves in a cave?
The three timeless truths that follow can be found in Great Days with the Great Lives by Charles R. Swindoll. These words from Chuck help us to see that a cave can actually be a birthing place, providing you an opportunity to change and be freed from whatever has bound your soul. Recognize caves for what they are, but also remember that at the mouth of every cave, you can find light and relief. Chuck writes:
First, when God prepares us for effective ministry, He includes what we would rather omit—a period of waiting. That cultivates patience. As I write these words, it occurs to me that I’ve never met anyone young and patient. (To be honest, I've not met many old and patient folks either.) We’re all in a hurry. We don't like to miss one panel of a revolving door. Patience comes hard in a hurry-up society. Yet, it’s an essential quality, cultivated only in extended periods of waiting.
Second, as God makes us wait, hiding us in His shadow, He shows us we’re not indispensable. That makes us humble. One major reason the Lord removes us and has us wait in His shadow is to remind us we’re not the star attraction. We’re not indispensable. That realization cultivates genuine humility. I’m convinced Saul never once questioned God for having His hand on Peter and Barnabas, rather than on him. In a time when most gifted individuals would have been volunteering at the revival headquarters, Saul willingly remained behind the scenes. All the while waiting for his time—correction, God’s time.
Third, while God hides us away, He reveals new dimensions of Himself and new insights regarding ministry. That makes us deep. What we need today is not smarter people or busier people. A far greater need is deeper people. Deep people will always have a ministry. Always. God deepens us through time spent waiting on Him.¹
Think of “The Cave” as a word picture. How would you describe it? I picture a damp, musty, and dark place, with sharp rocks all around. Why on earth would anyone choose to go into such a place! Not many of us would. However, some of us feel like we’ve been thrown into a dark, long-forgotten cavern without hope of rescue. What can we do when we find ourselves in a cave?
The three timeless truths that follow can be found in Great Days with the Great Lives by Charles R. Swindoll. These words from Chuck help us to see that a cave can actually be a birthing place, providing you an opportunity to change and be freed from whatever has bound your soul. Recognize caves for what they are, but also remember that at the mouth of every cave, you can find light and relief. Chuck writes:
First, when God prepares us for effective ministry, He includes what we would rather omit—a period of waiting. That cultivates patience. As I write these words, it occurs to me that I’ve never met anyone young and patient. (To be honest, I've not met many old and patient folks either.) We’re all in a hurry. We don't like to miss one panel of a revolving door. Patience comes hard in a hurry-up society. Yet, it’s an essential quality, cultivated only in extended periods of waiting.
Second, as God makes us wait, hiding us in His shadow, He shows us we’re not indispensable. That makes us humble. One major reason the Lord removes us and has us wait in His shadow is to remind us we’re not the star attraction. We’re not indispensable. That realization cultivates genuine humility. I’m convinced Saul never once questioned God for having His hand on Peter and Barnabas, rather than on him. In a time when most gifted individuals would have been volunteering at the revival headquarters, Saul willingly remained behind the scenes. All the while waiting for his time—correction, God’s time.
Third, while God hides us away, He reveals new dimensions of Himself and new insights regarding ministry. That makes us deep. What we need today is not smarter people or busier people. A far greater need is deeper people. Deep people will always have a ministry. Always. God deepens us through time spent waiting on Him.¹
Friday, November 5, 2010
Discovering True Beauty
Too often as women we rely on our physical appearance and material possessions to provide us with the confidence that Christ intended us to gather solely from Him. We become either so insecure or prideful about the way we look on the outside and don’t spend nearly as much time working on our inner beauty as we do on our outer beauty. With the constant barracade of photoshoped magazine ads, plastic surgery crazed celebrities, and a societal obsession with all things physical, it is no wonder so many women struggle with finding their esteem in how they look. I recently read a study that reported that the average woman spends $15,000 on cosmetics in her lifetime, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that number continued to increase each year. What is more frightening is that girls are learning at a young age from their mothers and role models that it is looks that gather attention, not intelligence or a beautiful heart. As women who are raising the next generation, it is our duty to instill the biblical principles of beauty as according to God, and warn other women of the dangers of falling prey to the lies that Satan tells us about beauty of this world.
Ezekiel 16:14, 15 explains how physical beauty leads us into deception and away from His Will:
“And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD. But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his.”
I felt extremely convicted of living the life of a woman who spends way too much time thinking about how I look and not nearly enough time focused on the beauty through Christ that God intended for my life, for all of our lives. While I don’t think it is a crime to enjoy makeup and fashion, as far as I am concerned, it IS a crime to neglect the real beauty that God graced me with and that is a heart of compassion and love for others by way of Jesus. I've heard mentioned that if we spent nearly as much time praying or reading the Word as we do fixing our hair in the mirror, we would be a lot closer to the biblical standard of beauty, the kind of beauty that doesn’t fade. I have seen women who on the outside are physically close to perfection but once they open their mouths, their cold hearts and conceit instantly turn them ugly. In comparison, I have seen women who radiate goodness and grace from the inside out, and that is far more attractive any day than a good hairdo or stylish ensemble.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter3:3-4)
I never want to pervert or misuse anything that God has so graciously extended to me. In my heart of hearts, I truly believe God created us all in His image, exactly as He wanted us. Who are we to become prideful, or even insecure, in His beautiful creations? As women, every single day we must prepare ourselves for the spiritual battle between what God says is beautiful, versus what the world says is beautiful. I don’t know about you, but for the rest of my days, I want to pursue the beauty that God originally created me with and live with the confidence in knowing until we have been made over on the inside, we really are of no use to The Kingdom.
Instead of looking into the mirror to fix the flaws on my face, I want to look into the Bible as my mirror to fix the flaws on the inside. Instead of spending countless hours obsessing over perfect celebrity bodies, I want to spend countless hours obsessing over the message of God. Instead of wasting my money on material goods that I think will make me more beautiful, I want to spend my money on good deeds for others that I know will make me more beautiful in the eyes of God.
Ezekiel 16:14, 15 explains how physical beauty leads us into deception and away from His Will:
“And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD. But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his.”
I felt extremely convicted of living the life of a woman who spends way too much time thinking about how I look and not nearly enough time focused on the beauty through Christ that God intended for my life, for all of our lives. While I don’t think it is a crime to enjoy makeup and fashion, as far as I am concerned, it IS a crime to neglect the real beauty that God graced me with and that is a heart of compassion and love for others by way of Jesus. I've heard mentioned that if we spent nearly as much time praying or reading the Word as we do fixing our hair in the mirror, we would be a lot closer to the biblical standard of beauty, the kind of beauty that doesn’t fade. I have seen women who on the outside are physically close to perfection but once they open their mouths, their cold hearts and conceit instantly turn them ugly. In comparison, I have seen women who radiate goodness and grace from the inside out, and that is far more attractive any day than a good hairdo or stylish ensemble.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” (1 Peter3:3-4)
I never want to pervert or misuse anything that God has so graciously extended to me. In my heart of hearts, I truly believe God created us all in His image, exactly as He wanted us. Who are we to become prideful, or even insecure, in His beautiful creations? As women, every single day we must prepare ourselves for the spiritual battle between what God says is beautiful, versus what the world says is beautiful. I don’t know about you, but for the rest of my days, I want to pursue the beauty that God originally created me with and live with the confidence in knowing until we have been made over on the inside, we really are of no use to The Kingdom.
Instead of looking into the mirror to fix the flaws on my face, I want to look into the Bible as my mirror to fix the flaws on the inside. Instead of spending countless hours obsessing over perfect celebrity bodies, I want to spend countless hours obsessing over the message of God. Instead of wasting my money on material goods that I think will make me more beautiful, I want to spend my money on good deeds for others that I know will make me more beautiful in the eyes of God.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Being Happy
Should you not be in a happy state of being here’s what you’ll want to do immediately, at once, right now, quick fast and in a hurry.
Write down three things you’re grateful for, should you be inspired to write more then do so. Being happy!
Write down three happy memories, should you remember more write them as well. Being happy!
Write down three ways you may put a smile on someone’s face. Being happy!
Do you think these brief and simple exercises will help you in your being happy? It works for Me;) it's all in your attitude & how you handle your circumstances. Truth is in the world today we all are facing life changing circumstances that are a lot of times out of our control. In order to get thru them you must be proactive instead of reactive. You must believe all things are possible to them that believe. When one door closes another one bigger and better will open.. Have Faith! I look forward to reading your comment
Should you not be in a happy state of being here’s what you’ll want to do immediately, at once, right now, quick fast and in a hurry.
Write down three things you’re grateful for, should you be inspired to write more then do so. Being happy!
Write down three happy memories, should you remember more write them as well. Being happy!
Write down three ways you may put a smile on someone’s face. Being happy!
Do you think these brief and simple exercises will help you in your being happy? It works for Me;) it's all in your attitude & how you handle your circumstances. Truth is in the world today we all are facing life changing circumstances that are a lot of times out of our control. In order to get thru them you must be proactive instead of reactive. You must believe all things are possible to them that believe. When one door closes another one bigger and better will open.. Have Faith! I look forward to reading your comment
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
"Believing"
I really believe that God spent time in forming our personalities uniquely and wonderfully. Each one of us is, to the same degree, loved before God and yet radically different because of this.
Whenever I catch myself allowing the creeping tendrils of ungodly jealousy working its way around my heart, I immediately remind myself that that’s stupid. God has given each one of us gifts, talents, and abilities, fitting to our individual callings. If we do not embrace these and instead cling onto the desire for others’ portions, then we miss out on our blessing and we miss out on blessing the world. Only you can do what you are called to do by God. No one else is going to do it so as I bluntly heard Jenn Johnson say once, “Stop trying to copy other people and just be yourself. Because no one else will.”
Moreover, I really think it is so crucial that we learn to see other people in the light that God sees us too, that we not only see people as prophets or worshipers, but that we see the quirks and details of each and every person’s character that makes them special before God. In the same light, we must see God’s lost sheep, too, not as projects, but as people with amazing personalities and the destiny to move in apostolic power.
Let us receive one another with the highest regard, that we may be able to receive the highest blessing bestowed upon each other by the King of glory.
Whenever I catch myself allowing the creeping tendrils of ungodly jealousy working its way around my heart, I immediately remind myself that that’s stupid. God has given each one of us gifts, talents, and abilities, fitting to our individual callings. If we do not embrace these and instead cling onto the desire for others’ portions, then we miss out on our blessing and we miss out on blessing the world. Only you can do what you are called to do by God. No one else is going to do it so as I bluntly heard Jenn Johnson say once, “Stop trying to copy other people and just be yourself. Because no one else will.”
Moreover, I really think it is so crucial that we learn to see other people in the light that God sees us too, that we not only see people as prophets or worshipers, but that we see the quirks and details of each and every person’s character that makes them special before God. In the same light, we must see God’s lost sheep, too, not as projects, but as people with amazing personalities and the destiny to move in apostolic power.
Let us receive one another with the highest regard, that we may be able to receive the highest blessing bestowed upon each other by the King of glory.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Detox The Mind
God has an amazing plan for your life.
Anyone who claims to live in God’s light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark.
1 John 2:9
I refuse to spend a second of my remaining time on this earth angry or vindictive towards anyone. Unforgiveness is crazy, it’s like you drinking the poison and waiting for them to die! Do you hold resentment and bitterness? God intended for us to live in peace and be happy. Let it go. Nobody can make you happy; you have to choose it for yourself.
The best revenge against someone who you feel wronged you is forgiveness. It’s you who will prosper and see all that god has in store for you. Don’t miss the door of happiness that’s opening because you are so angry at a door that’s closed.
God Bless
Anyone who claims to live in God’s light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark.
1 John 2:9
I refuse to spend a second of my remaining time on this earth angry or vindictive towards anyone. Unforgiveness is crazy, it’s like you drinking the poison and waiting for them to die! Do you hold resentment and bitterness? God intended for us to live in peace and be happy. Let it go. Nobody can make you happy; you have to choose it for yourself.
The best revenge against someone who you feel wronged you is forgiveness. It’s you who will prosper and see all that god has in store for you. Don’t miss the door of happiness that’s opening because you are so angry at a door that’s closed.
God Bless
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Protecting Your Space
I love her to death, but it’s draining to talk to her.
Every time I call this friend of mine, I know what I’m in for: a half-hour tirade about everything that’s difficult, miserable or unfair.
Sometimes she focuses on the people who’ve wronged her (usually without merit) and other times she waxes poetic about the general hopelessness of life.
I tell myself I call because I care, but sometimes I wonder if I have ulterior motives–to pump up my ego offering good advice, or even to feel better about my own reality.
I’m no saint, and if there’s one thing I know well, we only do things repeatedly if we believe there’s something in it for us. Even if that something is just to feel needed.
I thought about this the other day when a reader wrote to me with an interesting question: how do you offer compassion to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it? She went on to describe her offensive, sexist, racist boss who emotionally exhausts everyone around him. He sounds a lot more hateful than my friend, who is, sadly, just terribly depressed.
But these people have one thing in common: boundless negative energy that constantly seeks a target.
So today I started thinking about how we interact with negative or difficult people. People who seem unhappy, indignant, angry, or just plain rude.
When someone becomes a repeat offender, draining everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? And how do you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity–and maybe even helps them?
Here’s what I’ve come up with:
1. Resist the urge to judge or assume.
It’s hard to offer someone compassion when you assume you have them pegged. He’s a jerk. She’s a malcontent. He’s an–insert other choice adjective. Even if it seems unlikely someone will wake up one day and act differently we have to remember it is possible.
When you think negative thoughts, it comes out in your body language. Someone prone to negativity may feel all too tempted to mirror that. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised.
2. Dig deeper, but stay out of the hole.
It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. But that can’t completely excuse their behavior. If you show negative people you condone the way they act, you give them no real incentive to make a change (which they may actually want deep down).
It may help to repeat this in your head when you deal with them: “I understand your pain. But I’m most helpful if I don’t feed into it.” This might help you approach them with both kindness and firmness so they don’t manipulate you.
3. Maintain a positive boundary.
Some people might tell you to visualize a bright white light around you. This doesn’t actually work for me because I respond better to ideas in words than visualizations. So I tell myself this, “I can only control the positive space I create around myself.”
Then when I interact with this person, I try to do three things, in this order of importance:
Protect the positive space around me. When their negativity is too strong to protect it, I need to walk away.
Diffuse their negativity.
Help them feel more positive, not act more positive–which is more likely to create the desired result.
4. Disarm their negativity, even if just for now.
This goes back to the ideas I mentioned above. I know my depressed friend will rant about life’s injustices as long as I let her. Part of me feels tempted to play amateur psychiatrist–get her talking, and then try to help her reframe situations into a more positive light.
Then I remind myself I can’t change her whole way of being in one phone call. She has to want that. But I can help her focus on something positive right now, in this moment. I can ask about her upcoming birthday. I can remind her it’s a beautiful day for a walk. Don’t try to solve or fix them. Just aim to help them now.
5. Temper your emotional response.
Negativity loves getting a rise out of people. Someone to feel for the sob story. Someone to get outraged over the injustice. Someone to get offended by the racist joke. I suspect this gives them a little light in the darkness of their inner world–a sense that they’re not floating alone in their own anger or sadness.
People remember and learn from what you do more than what you say. If you feed into the situation with emotions, you’ll teach them they can depend on you for a reaction. It’s tough not to react because we’re human, but it’s worth practicing. Respond as calmly as you can with a simple line of fact, even if it’s unrelated. “Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Planning to watch it?”
6. Question what you’re getting out of it.
Like I mentioned above, we often get something out of relationships with negative people. Get real honest with yourself: have you fallen into a caretaker role because it makes you feel needed? Have you gossiped in a holier-than-thou way? Do you have some sort of stake in keeping the things the way they are?
Questioning yourself helps you change the way you respond–which is really all you can control. You can’t make someone think, feel, or act differently. You can be as kind as possible or as combative as possible, and still not change reality for someone else. All you can control is what you think and do–and then do your best to help them without hurting yourself.
7. Remember the numbers.
Research shows that people with bad attitudes have significantly higher rates of stress and disease. Someone’s mental state plays a huge role in their physical health. If someone’s making life miserable for people around them, you can be sure they’re doing worse for themselves.
What a sad reality. That someone has so much pain inside them they have to act out, like a kid in a tantrum, just to feel some sense of relief–even if that relief comes from getting a rise out of people. When you remember how much a difficult person is suffering, it’s easier to stay focused on minimizing negativity, as opposed to defending yourself or making it worse.
8. Don’t take it personally–but know sometimes it is personal.
Conventional wisdom suggests you should never take it personally when you deal with a negative person. I think it’s a little more complicated than that. You can’t write off everything someone says because they’re insensitive or untactful. An abrasive person can come at you in the worst possible way with a valid point.
Accept that you don’t deserve the excessive emotions in someone’s tone, but weigh their ideas with a willingness to learn. Some of the most useful lessons I’ve learned came from people I wished weren’t right. When you give someone credit who deep down doesn’t think they deserve it, you may inspire a profound shift in how they interpret the world.
9. Act instead of just reacting.
Oftentimes we wait until someone gets angry or depressed to address their persistently negative way of being. If you know someone who seems to deal with difficult thoughts or feelings (as demonstrated in their behavior) don’t wait for a situation to be part of the solution.
Give them a compliment for something they did well. Remind them of a moment when they were happy–as in Remember when you scored that touchdown during the company picnic? That was awesome! You’re more apt to want to boost them up when they haven’t brought you down. This may help mitigate that later, and also give them a little relief from their pain.
10. Maintain the right relationship based on reality as it is.
With my friend, I’m always wishing she could be more positive. I consistently put myself in situations where I feel bad because I want to help. Because I want her to be happy. I’ve recently realized the best I can do is accept her as she is, let her know I believe in her ability to be happy, and then give her space to make the choice.
That means hanging up after I’ve made an effort to help. Or cutting a night short if I’ve done all I can and it’s draining me. Hopefully she’ll want to change some day. Until then, all I can do is love her, while loving myself enough to take care of my needs. Which often means putting them first.
I’ve learned you can’t always save the world. But you can make the world a better place by working on yourself–by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and protecting your positive space. You may even help negative people by fostering a sense of peace their negativity can’t pierce.
Every time I call this friend of mine, I know what I’m in for: a half-hour tirade about everything that’s difficult, miserable or unfair.
Sometimes she focuses on the people who’ve wronged her (usually without merit) and other times she waxes poetic about the general hopelessness of life.
I tell myself I call because I care, but sometimes I wonder if I have ulterior motives–to pump up my ego offering good advice, or even to feel better about my own reality.
I’m no saint, and if there’s one thing I know well, we only do things repeatedly if we believe there’s something in it for us. Even if that something is just to feel needed.
I thought about this the other day when a reader wrote to me with an interesting question: how do you offer compassion to someone who doesn’t seem to deserve it? She went on to describe her offensive, sexist, racist boss who emotionally exhausts everyone around him. He sounds a lot more hateful than my friend, who is, sadly, just terribly depressed.
But these people have one thing in common: boundless negative energy that constantly seeks a target.
So today I started thinking about how we interact with negative or difficult people. People who seem unhappy, indignant, angry, or just plain rude.
When someone becomes a repeat offender, draining everyone around them, how do you maintain a sense of compassion without getting sucked into their doom? And how do you act in a way that doesn’t reinforce their negativity–and maybe even helps them?
Here’s what I’ve come up with:
1. Resist the urge to judge or assume.
It’s hard to offer someone compassion when you assume you have them pegged. He’s a jerk. She’s a malcontent. He’s an–insert other choice adjective. Even if it seems unlikely someone will wake up one day and act differently we have to remember it is possible.
When you think negative thoughts, it comes out in your body language. Someone prone to negativity may feel all too tempted to mirror that. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know when you might be pleasantly surprised.
2. Dig deeper, but stay out of the hole.
It’s always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they’re coming from. But that can’t completely excuse their behavior. If you show negative people you condone the way they act, you give them no real incentive to make a change (which they may actually want deep down).
It may help to repeat this in your head when you deal with them: “I understand your pain. But I’m most helpful if I don’t feed into it.” This might help you approach them with both kindness and firmness so they don’t manipulate you.
3. Maintain a positive boundary.
Some people might tell you to visualize a bright white light around you. This doesn’t actually work for me because I respond better to ideas in words than visualizations. So I tell myself this, “I can only control the positive space I create around myself.”
Then when I interact with this person, I try to do three things, in this order of importance:
Protect the positive space around me. When their negativity is too strong to protect it, I need to walk away.
Diffuse their negativity.
Help them feel more positive, not act more positive–which is more likely to create the desired result.
4. Disarm their negativity, even if just for now.
This goes back to the ideas I mentioned above. I know my depressed friend will rant about life’s injustices as long as I let her. Part of me feels tempted to play amateur psychiatrist–get her talking, and then try to help her reframe situations into a more positive light.
Then I remind myself I can’t change her whole way of being in one phone call. She has to want that. But I can help her focus on something positive right now, in this moment. I can ask about her upcoming birthday. I can remind her it’s a beautiful day for a walk. Don’t try to solve or fix them. Just aim to help them now.
5. Temper your emotional response.
Negativity loves getting a rise out of people. Someone to feel for the sob story. Someone to get outraged over the injustice. Someone to get offended by the racist joke. I suspect this gives them a little light in the darkness of their inner world–a sense that they’re not floating alone in their own anger or sadness.
People remember and learn from what you do more than what you say. If you feed into the situation with emotions, you’ll teach them they can depend on you for a reaction. It’s tough not to react because we’re human, but it’s worth practicing. Respond as calmly as you can with a simple line of fact, even if it’s unrelated. “Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. Planning to watch it?”
6. Question what you’re getting out of it.
Like I mentioned above, we often get something out of relationships with negative people. Get real honest with yourself: have you fallen into a caretaker role because it makes you feel needed? Have you gossiped in a holier-than-thou way? Do you have some sort of stake in keeping the things the way they are?
Questioning yourself helps you change the way you respond–which is really all you can control. You can’t make someone think, feel, or act differently. You can be as kind as possible or as combative as possible, and still not change reality for someone else. All you can control is what you think and do–and then do your best to help them without hurting yourself.
7. Remember the numbers.
Research shows that people with bad attitudes have significantly higher rates of stress and disease. Someone’s mental state plays a huge role in their physical health. If someone’s making life miserable for people around them, you can be sure they’re doing worse for themselves.
What a sad reality. That someone has so much pain inside them they have to act out, like a kid in a tantrum, just to feel some sense of relief–even if that relief comes from getting a rise out of people. When you remember how much a difficult person is suffering, it’s easier to stay focused on minimizing negativity, as opposed to defending yourself or making it worse.
8. Don’t take it personally–but know sometimes it is personal.
Conventional wisdom suggests you should never take it personally when you deal with a negative person. I think it’s a little more complicated than that. You can’t write off everything someone says because they’re insensitive or untactful. An abrasive person can come at you in the worst possible way with a valid point.
Accept that you don’t deserve the excessive emotions in someone’s tone, but weigh their ideas with a willingness to learn. Some of the most useful lessons I’ve learned came from people I wished weren’t right. When you give someone credit who deep down doesn’t think they deserve it, you may inspire a profound shift in how they interpret the world.
9. Act instead of just reacting.
Oftentimes we wait until someone gets angry or depressed to address their persistently negative way of being. If you know someone who seems to deal with difficult thoughts or feelings (as demonstrated in their behavior) don’t wait for a situation to be part of the solution.
Give them a compliment for something they did well. Remind them of a moment when they were happy–as in Remember when you scored that touchdown during the company picnic? That was awesome! You’re more apt to want to boost them up when they haven’t brought you down. This may help mitigate that later, and also give them a little relief from their pain.
10. Maintain the right relationship based on reality as it is.
With my friend, I’m always wishing she could be more positive. I consistently put myself in situations where I feel bad because I want to help. Because I want her to be happy. I’ve recently realized the best I can do is accept her as she is, let her know I believe in her ability to be happy, and then give her space to make the choice.
That means hanging up after I’ve made an effort to help. Or cutting a night short if I’ve done all I can and it’s draining me. Hopefully she’ll want to change some day. Until then, all I can do is love her, while loving myself enough to take care of my needs. Which often means putting them first.
I’ve learned you can’t always save the world. But you can make the world a better place by working on yourself–by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and protecting your positive space. You may even help negative people by fostering a sense of peace their negativity can’t pierce.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Deal Breakers in Relationships
How to Destroy Your Relationships
I’ve come to realize that relationships are great teachers when both parties are aware and open-minded. We all need quality relationships in our life. We need people that know and understand us.
I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but any relationship. The expectations, beliefs and values of all parties involved makes it volatile and interesting. Relationships can blossom one day and go down in flames the next.
You can see this happening all around you. Some couples seem happy while others are not. What is it that separates working relationships from the ones that don’t work at all? No one really knows for sure and it will be different from case to case, but there will always be theories, and oh how we love theories!
Here are six different ways you can destroy your relationships (if you choose to):
"Attachment"
Even though relationships in and of themselves are about attachment, it is better to release it as much as possible. Being overly attached is being fearful. It signifies that you believe in scarcity. It’s easy to cling to someone when you think that you’ll never find another partner or friend as good as them. This is something that everyone goes through, but ultimately we all realize that it isn’t true. Every relationship will sooner or later pass and new ones will develop. That is the river of life. A big misconception is that love equals permanent attachment. You can love without being needy or attached.
"Control"
Attachment leads to control. Control is one of the biggest relationship breakers for me and I’ve become aware of the slightest amount of control exerted on me. It’s a deal breaker. I am all for submission and order in a relationship.There is a difference.Control comes in many forms, ranging from minor manipulation to exaggerated violence. Just look at how most romantic relationships start, they begin good because both parties are having fun, but as the relationship progresses and the initial infatuations vanish, fear enters the picture and bad stuff happens.
"Expectations"
Being disappointed is impossible without expectations. Take a hard, deep look at what you’re expecting to get out of each relationship you have. Sometimes adjusting your expectations can significantly change your relationship for the better. Clinging to old expectations that do not fit reality will completely destroy a relationship.I have found that a lot of couples walk around with hidden expectations never to verbally communicate their desires to their partner and truly become resentful because they didn't read their minds. TALK People;)
"Selfishness"
It’s easy to fall into selfishness and laziness in both relationships and personal development. It takes discipline to keep going and being aware of what the other person really wants. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t really want to do, but simply focus on how good someone else will feel. Serving others naturally feels good. We’re meant to help and love, as cliché as that sounds. Volunteer and I’ll guarantee you that you’ll feel better afterward. Life is more about giving than getting. Apply giving into you relationships and you’ll see that when you give, the other person is more likely to give as well. I was told for the longest that I wasn't a "Nurturer" only to find out once out of a situation that I am very much so a "Nurturer" Sometimes it helps if you change the negative input from others. It's truly amazing how much you desire to do and give to someone when you feel loved by them as well. It really pulls the best out on both ends.
"Non-Growth"
A relationship where one part is on the path of growth and the other is on the path of sloth is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later one person will start to outgrow the other, at which point the one lagging behind will start to feel uncomfortable because something is going on making them feel that they aren’t enough anymore. This is why so many people that start growing face so much resistance. If you grow, then that means something is wrong with the people that practice non-growth.
"Different Values"
Relationships can thrive without having the same values. I’m not saying that it can’t. What I’ve seen in my own life is that people that do not have the same big values or goals as I do tend to fall away. It all depends on what values are different. Companionship is a lot easier when both people have the same values.
Remember, it’s okay to move on. Sometimes relationships don’t work out.
There are no rules that bind you down, only the ones you make for yourself. Attracting the right people into your life is a key ingredient in making your relationships work. It’s not just about finding random people and making friends, it’s about finding the right people.
I’ve come to realize that relationships are great teachers when both parties are aware and open-minded. We all need quality relationships in our life. We need people that know and understand us.
I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but any relationship. The expectations, beliefs and values of all parties involved makes it volatile and interesting. Relationships can blossom one day and go down in flames the next.
You can see this happening all around you. Some couples seem happy while others are not. What is it that separates working relationships from the ones that don’t work at all? No one really knows for sure and it will be different from case to case, but there will always be theories, and oh how we love theories!
Here are six different ways you can destroy your relationships (if you choose to):
"Attachment"
Even though relationships in and of themselves are about attachment, it is better to release it as much as possible. Being overly attached is being fearful. It signifies that you believe in scarcity. It’s easy to cling to someone when you think that you’ll never find another partner or friend as good as them. This is something that everyone goes through, but ultimately we all realize that it isn’t true. Every relationship will sooner or later pass and new ones will develop. That is the river of life. A big misconception is that love equals permanent attachment. You can love without being needy or attached.
"Control"
Attachment leads to control. Control is one of the biggest relationship breakers for me and I’ve become aware of the slightest amount of control exerted on me. It’s a deal breaker. I am all for submission and order in a relationship.There is a difference.Control comes in many forms, ranging from minor manipulation to exaggerated violence. Just look at how most romantic relationships start, they begin good because both parties are having fun, but as the relationship progresses and the initial infatuations vanish, fear enters the picture and bad stuff happens.
"Expectations"
Being disappointed is impossible without expectations. Take a hard, deep look at what you’re expecting to get out of each relationship you have. Sometimes adjusting your expectations can significantly change your relationship for the better. Clinging to old expectations that do not fit reality will completely destroy a relationship.I have found that a lot of couples walk around with hidden expectations never to verbally communicate their desires to their partner and truly become resentful because they didn't read their minds. TALK People;)
"Selfishness"
It’s easy to fall into selfishness and laziness in both relationships and personal development. It takes discipline to keep going and being aware of what the other person really wants. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t really want to do, but simply focus on how good someone else will feel. Serving others naturally feels good. We’re meant to help and love, as cliché as that sounds. Volunteer and I’ll guarantee you that you’ll feel better afterward. Life is more about giving than getting. Apply giving into you relationships and you’ll see that when you give, the other person is more likely to give as well. I was told for the longest that I wasn't a "Nurturer" only to find out once out of a situation that I am very much so a "Nurturer" Sometimes it helps if you change the negative input from others. It's truly amazing how much you desire to do and give to someone when you feel loved by them as well. It really pulls the best out on both ends.
"Non-Growth"
A relationship where one part is on the path of growth and the other is on the path of sloth is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later one person will start to outgrow the other, at which point the one lagging behind will start to feel uncomfortable because something is going on making them feel that they aren’t enough anymore. This is why so many people that start growing face so much resistance. If you grow, then that means something is wrong with the people that practice non-growth.
"Different Values"
Relationships can thrive without having the same values. I’m not saying that it can’t. What I’ve seen in my own life is that people that do not have the same big values or goals as I do tend to fall away. It all depends on what values are different. Companionship is a lot easier when both people have the same values.
Remember, it’s okay to move on. Sometimes relationships don’t work out.
There are no rules that bind you down, only the ones you make for yourself. Attracting the right people into your life is a key ingredient in making your relationships work. It’s not just about finding random people and making friends, it’s about finding the right people.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
"NEXT" easier said than "DONE"
Love is defined in many ways. Ask anyone on the street for their definition of love, and you’ll get no two answers the same. The Bible defines love. Movies define love. Turn on the radio and you’ll get a definition of love. We see evidence of love in the unlikeliest of places and among the most unlikely of men and women. Your cat loves you. Your dog loves you. Your neighbor loves you. Your mom loves you.
Love is everywhere we look. It makes the world go round, you know.
Something I’ve learned in life, and I didn’t learn it the easy way...is that love...true love...real, unselfish, unconditional love...can be found most prevalently in the act of letting go. I know, I know...we’ve all heard the saying: "If you love something enough, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never really yours to begin with." As cliche as it might sound, it still holds true. I am learning that the most selfless act of love one person can show another person is to let them go. The inclination is always to beg, to cry, to plead for the other person to change their mind, forgive you, love you more, want you more, need you more...to show them why they can’t live without you...to prove to them that if they give you just one more chance, you’ll get it right this time. It’s human nature. It’s definitely my nature, as I typically refuse to give up without a fight. But if the person you love most in the world is struggling to break free...ready to move on...slipping through your fingers...regardless of how much it breaks your heart, shouldn’t you wish them the best and let them fly?
We have to let go. Not just for our own sake, but for the other person’s. Our hearts will never sing as long as we cling. When someone I love makes a choice, and his choice is not me...no matter how much I adore him and want to prove to him how wrong he was and how much he needs me in his life and how perfect we are for each other...I have to release him, and his memory, and trust that life and God has a plan for us both, even if it’s not together. And that moment, that decision, that act of letting the other person go...that’s our gift to them. At the end of the day and on the horizon of moving on, I guess our goodbye is really the only gift we have left to give.
Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest thing most of us will ever have to learn how to do...but still, we must do it. Because true love, real love, unselfish love...demands nothing less.
Love is everywhere we look. It makes the world go round, you know.
Something I’ve learned in life, and I didn’t learn it the easy way...is that love...true love...real, unselfish, unconditional love...can be found most prevalently in the act of letting go. I know, I know...we’ve all heard the saying: "If you love something enough, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never really yours to begin with." As cliche as it might sound, it still holds true. I am learning that the most selfless act of love one person can show another person is to let them go. The inclination is always to beg, to cry, to plead for the other person to change their mind, forgive you, love you more, want you more, need you more...to show them why they can’t live without you...to prove to them that if they give you just one more chance, you’ll get it right this time. It’s human nature. It’s definitely my nature, as I typically refuse to give up without a fight. But if the person you love most in the world is struggling to break free...ready to move on...slipping through your fingers...regardless of how much it breaks your heart, shouldn’t you wish them the best and let them fly?
We have to let go. Not just for our own sake, but for the other person’s. Our hearts will never sing as long as we cling. When someone I love makes a choice, and his choice is not me...no matter how much I adore him and want to prove to him how wrong he was and how much he needs me in his life and how perfect we are for each other...I have to release him, and his memory, and trust that life and God has a plan for us both, even if it’s not together. And that moment, that decision, that act of letting the other person go...that’s our gift to them. At the end of the day and on the horizon of moving on, I guess our goodbye is really the only gift we have left to give.
Letting go is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest thing most of us will ever have to learn how to do...but still, we must do it. Because true love, real love, unselfish love...demands nothing less.
Turning Ur Scars into Stars
Quitting + Me= just not an option! I can honestly look back on my life and realize I made some terrible mistakes. I can’t go back and change anything that happened. I really don't know that I would if I could. These mistakes molded me into who I am today so I choose to realize they now have become learning experiences and I can certainly have a better future. There were many times I wanted to quit. I was at the end of my rope a few times. God gave me a little more slack! Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will end. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
People will not always celebrate your diliverence or your change. They will become the devil's advocate trying to keep you tied to your previous circumstances,reminding you of who you were and making you doubt who you have become. Don't listen! YOU have the Authority as a child of God to delete them from your memory file of people who matter.. You will also discover that people from your past will gossip and lie about you(this is the devils way of keeping you bound as well if you allow) They will try to ambush any kind of new beginning for you..They can't touch you! They may benefit by keeping a few new people from becoming your friends because they decided to believe your past history rather than getting to know you themselves..This means you didn't need them either and in some way was God's protection for you...
I remember, at one point in my journey of reclaiming my life and healing as the new me when I felt a tremendous amount of defeat and discouragement. It felt like people from everywhere were gossiping about me....my human side was sad because they had NO idea of the situation and were judging me off of hear say and gossip(and my past)...I cried out to God about it his response to me was," Kimberly don't you say a word to any of them...don't retaliate! You just live so no one believes them!" Hard? YES! I obeyed God that night and he was right..! I discovered during this season of God doing reconstructive surgery on my heart a huge amount of unconditonal love for humans..I promised God that I would Never ever judge a book by it's covor and that I would love people right where they were in their journey..I promised that I would be there for people in my current situation so they didn't have to feel alone...I can truly say,"I am and have walked this out in the lives of others" I absolutely have a Love for people like never before...God turned my scars into scars and my pain into my pulpit....
The two most important things that changed my life. My faith in God (Having a relationship with Jesus) and a positive attitude everyday! By doing this I went from ordinary to extraordinary. People always say “Kimberly you’re always so happy, you’re always in a good mood” please know it isn’t like bad things don’t happen to me. I’m in the same economy as everyone else; I have problems I have to figure out everyday. I speak with friends that are going through things that break my heart. It’s not about the situation it’s how you react to the situation. I start my day with thanksgiving. It goes back to when we were kids how we always wanted things, but many times we forgot to say those words our parents reminded us of “Thank you” Try starting your day by thanking God. Thanking him for the chance to walk in a life free from torment, loneliness and confusion. For giving you wisdom in all that you do and for giving you decernment in your life to choose the right folk to surround yourself with...Then choose a great attitude. There is only 2 kinds of days you truly can have,"Great and Good" :))Your life will start changing!
People will not always celebrate your diliverence or your change. They will become the devil's advocate trying to keep you tied to your previous circumstances,reminding you of who you were and making you doubt who you have become. Don't listen! YOU have the Authority as a child of God to delete them from your memory file of people who matter.. You will also discover that people from your past will gossip and lie about you(this is the devils way of keeping you bound as well if you allow) They will try to ambush any kind of new beginning for you..They can't touch you! They may benefit by keeping a few new people from becoming your friends because they decided to believe your past history rather than getting to know you themselves..This means you didn't need them either and in some way was God's protection for you...
I remember, at one point in my journey of reclaiming my life and healing as the new me when I felt a tremendous amount of defeat and discouragement. It felt like people from everywhere were gossiping about me....my human side was sad because they had NO idea of the situation and were judging me off of hear say and gossip(and my past)...I cried out to God about it his response to me was," Kimberly don't you say a word to any of them...don't retaliate! You just live so no one believes them!" Hard? YES! I obeyed God that night and he was right..! I discovered during this season of God doing reconstructive surgery on my heart a huge amount of unconditonal love for humans..I promised God that I would Never ever judge a book by it's covor and that I would love people right where they were in their journey..I promised that I would be there for people in my current situation so they didn't have to feel alone...I can truly say,"I am and have walked this out in the lives of others" I absolutely have a Love for people like never before...God turned my scars into scars and my pain into my pulpit....
The two most important things that changed my life. My faith in God (Having a relationship with Jesus) and a positive attitude everyday! By doing this I went from ordinary to extraordinary. People always say “Kimberly you’re always so happy, you’re always in a good mood” please know it isn’t like bad things don’t happen to me. I’m in the same economy as everyone else; I have problems I have to figure out everyday. I speak with friends that are going through things that break my heart. It’s not about the situation it’s how you react to the situation. I start my day with thanksgiving. It goes back to when we were kids how we always wanted things, but many times we forgot to say those words our parents reminded us of “Thank you” Try starting your day by thanking God. Thanking him for the chance to walk in a life free from torment, loneliness and confusion. For giving you wisdom in all that you do and for giving you decernment in your life to choose the right folk to surround yourself with...Then choose a great attitude. There is only 2 kinds of days you truly can have,"Great and Good" :))Your life will start changing!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Being Amazing at Being Amazing...
Today is a Great day!I want to start off by telling you how amazing you are! You’re probably saying to yourself “She doesn’t even know me” and you’re right, I may or may not know you, but everyone has something amazing about them. I see it all the time when I meet someone. Maybe it’s my positive outlook on life or maybe it’s because I choose to see the good in people. We tend to want to see the negativity in someone rather that finding the good. When we start to find something amazing in our self then it becomes easier to find something amazing in another person. You’re amazing at your job, you’re an amazing husband, wife, friend, parent, teacher or amazing at being amazing! How do you feel amazing? Here’s a couple that worked for me:
1. Forgiveness - That’s right getting over the past makes you feel amazing! Life is too short to waste time with unforgivenes or hating someone. Forgive everyone and everything. Make peace with your past that way you won’t screw up your future.I always say,"You gotta let go of Mr/Mrs.Wrong to find Mr/Mrs.Right..You deserve it:)
2. Honesty - What an amazing feeling it is to be in a relationship/friendship and have total honesty. Everyday it’s important to be proud of who’s looking back at you in the mirror. We all have a conscience and its there for a reason. Many people lie or are deceitful out of convenience and that’s sad. It is the beginning to the end of relationships.
3.Compliment - Tell someone how amazing they are. Or just making someone feel special. I love to make people feel special. Especially my Family or Friends! Everyday you should reach out and touch someone. A warm hug,(I hug strangers:) kind words, a big smile, leaving a note on how amazing they are! The more you give in life the more you get back.
4. Health - It’s something we sometimes take for granted until we become very sick or overweight. I don't want to have to go through this wake up call..You crawl before you can walk and walk before you can run. Nobody can do this but you. Join me and lets take care of us....I know with myself If I gain a little weight I don't feel my best so I do have to stay on top of this...every one is different so just figure out you and what makes you happiest and start implementing it so you can have a awesome happy life everyday...We shouldn't need the world to come alive..We should be the one's that are ALIVE IN THIS WORLD....whooooooohoooooooo come'on;))
1. Forgiveness - That’s right getting over the past makes you feel amazing! Life is too short to waste time with unforgivenes or hating someone. Forgive everyone and everything. Make peace with your past that way you won’t screw up your future.I always say,"You gotta let go of Mr/Mrs.Wrong to find Mr/Mrs.Right..You deserve it:)
2. Honesty - What an amazing feeling it is to be in a relationship/friendship and have total honesty. Everyday it’s important to be proud of who’s looking back at you in the mirror. We all have a conscience and its there for a reason. Many people lie or are deceitful out of convenience and that’s sad. It is the beginning to the end of relationships.
3.Compliment - Tell someone how amazing they are. Or just making someone feel special. I love to make people feel special. Especially my Family or Friends! Everyday you should reach out and touch someone. A warm hug,(I hug strangers:) kind words, a big smile, leaving a note on how amazing they are! The more you give in life the more you get back.
4. Health - It’s something we sometimes take for granted until we become very sick or overweight. I don't want to have to go through this wake up call..You crawl before you can walk and walk before you can run. Nobody can do this but you. Join me and lets take care of us....I know with myself If I gain a little weight I don't feel my best so I do have to stay on top of this...every one is different so just figure out you and what makes you happiest and start implementing it so you can have a awesome happy life everyday...We shouldn't need the world to come alive..We should be the one's that are ALIVE IN THIS WORLD....whooooooohoooooooo come'on;))
My 38th Birthday...I blinked & yet another Year
As I grow older, I have learned a lot. I would like to share this with you, because we are NO different. Life passes quickly, there are no guarantees, no time outs, and many times no second chances. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Have faith in God. He is so real and important in my life. Surround yourself with positive people. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance even if you don’t know how (like me!), hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep holding the one you love, stay up late, be spontaneous, and smile until your face hurts. Give of yourself, your time, your heart your finances to someone that needs help. The more you give the more you get back. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because people you love dearly have been taken from you. So take lots of pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, don’t bring the pain or hurt from other relationships into a new one. Don’t talk negative about other people. Love like you've never been hurt. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back. The greatest risk is not taking one. I thank God for allowing me this beautiful life.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I Believe in YOU
13 Things I Believe About You
I believe there is more God given potential in you than you realize.I believe He has a plan for your life…one that He is revealing in steps because IF He revealed it all at one our minds would explode.I believe in order to achieve what God really wants for you then you will have to embrace both the uncomfortable and the unknown.I believe God is after your heart, not just your behavior…and quite possible the reason He’s not talking you to the next step is because your current step is for you to let go of the idol that He has been exposing in your life.I believe whenever God asks us to give something up it is because He wants to replace it with something better.I believe that God’s plan for your life IS going to include an “oh crap” moment, one where you finally realize that implications of Hebrews 11:6.I believe that God wants what is best for you.I believe that you can do exactly what God has equipped and empowered you to do.I believe that if you are faithful with the little things He will entrust you with many.I believe you should ask yourself the question over and over again, “what would I be willing to attempt for God if I knew I could not fail” and allow Him to develop a holy discontent in your life.I believe God uses ordinary people to accomplish extrordinary things. (Acts 4:13)I believe that as your view of God increase…so will our level of obedience.I believe that true desperation for God will bring revelation from Him…that He wants us to know more than we actually want to know.I believe when God sets your heart on fire with a desire that is from Him…you should not leave Him alone until you see that desire accomplished. (Parable of the persistant widow.)
#1 – I believe there is more God given potential in you than you realize. (See Ephesians 2:10)
#2 – I believe He has a plan for your life…one that He is revealing in steps because IF He revealed it all at one our minds would explode. (See I Corinthians 2:9)
#3 – I believe in order to achieve what God really wants for you then you will have to embrace both the uncomfortable and the unknown. (See Luke 9:23)
#4 – I believe God is after your heart, not just your behavior…and quite possible the reason He’s not taking you to the next step is because your current step is for you to let go of the idol that He has been exposing in your life. (See Ezekiel 14:1-5)
#5 – I believe whenever God asks us to give something up it is because He wants to replace it with something better.
#6 – I believe that God’s plan for your life IS going to include an “oh crap” moment, one where you finally realize that implications of Hebrews 11:6.
#7 – I believe that you can do exactly what God has equipped and empowered you to do. (See Philippians 4:13)
#8 – I believe that if you are faithful with the little things He will entrust you with many. (See Luke 12:48)
#9 – I believe you should ask yourself the question over and over again, “what would I be willing to attempt for God if I knew I could not fail” and allow Him to develop a holy discontent in your life. (See Romans 4:17)
#10 – I believe God uses ordinary people to accomplish extrordinary things. (See Acts 4:13)
#11 – I believe that as your view of God increase…so will our level of obedience. (See Isaiah 6:1-8)
#12 – I believe that true desperation for God will bring revelation from Him…that He wants us to know more than we actually want to know.
#13 – I believe when God sets your heart on fire with a desire that is from Him…you should not leave Him alone until you see that desire accomplished. (See Isaiah 62:6-7)
I believe there is more God given potential in you than you realize.I believe He has a plan for your life…one that He is revealing in steps because IF He revealed it all at one our minds would explode.I believe in order to achieve what God really wants for you then you will have to embrace both the uncomfortable and the unknown.I believe God is after your heart, not just your behavior…and quite possible the reason He’s not talking you to the next step is because your current step is for you to let go of the idol that He has been exposing in your life.I believe whenever God asks us to give something up it is because He wants to replace it with something better.I believe that God’s plan for your life IS going to include an “oh crap” moment, one where you finally realize that implications of Hebrews 11:6.I believe that God wants what is best for you.I believe that you can do exactly what God has equipped and empowered you to do.I believe that if you are faithful with the little things He will entrust you with many.I believe you should ask yourself the question over and over again, “what would I be willing to attempt for God if I knew I could not fail” and allow Him to develop a holy discontent in your life.I believe God uses ordinary people to accomplish extrordinary things. (Acts 4:13)I believe that as your view of God increase…so will our level of obedience.I believe that true desperation for God will bring revelation from Him…that He wants us to know more than we actually want to know.I believe when God sets your heart on fire with a desire that is from Him…you should not leave Him alone until you see that desire accomplished. (Parable of the persistant widow.)
#1 – I believe there is more God given potential in you than you realize. (See Ephesians 2:10)
#2 – I believe He has a plan for your life…one that He is revealing in steps because IF He revealed it all at one our minds would explode. (See I Corinthians 2:9)
#3 – I believe in order to achieve what God really wants for you then you will have to embrace both the uncomfortable and the unknown. (See Luke 9:23)
#4 – I believe God is after your heart, not just your behavior…and quite possible the reason He’s not taking you to the next step is because your current step is for you to let go of the idol that He has been exposing in your life. (See Ezekiel 14:1-5)
#5 – I believe whenever God asks us to give something up it is because He wants to replace it with something better.
#6 – I believe that God’s plan for your life IS going to include an “oh crap” moment, one where you finally realize that implications of Hebrews 11:6.
#7 – I believe that you can do exactly what God has equipped and empowered you to do. (See Philippians 4:13)
#8 – I believe that if you are faithful with the little things He will entrust you with many. (See Luke 12:48)
#9 – I believe you should ask yourself the question over and over again, “what would I be willing to attempt for God if I knew I could not fail” and allow Him to develop a holy discontent in your life. (See Romans 4:17)
#10 – I believe God uses ordinary people to accomplish extrordinary things. (See Acts 4:13)
#11 – I believe that as your view of God increase…so will our level of obedience. (See Isaiah 6:1-8)
#12 – I believe that true desperation for God will bring revelation from Him…that He wants us to know more than we actually want to know.
#13 – I believe when God sets your heart on fire with a desire that is from Him…you should not leave Him alone until you see that desire accomplished. (See Isaiah 62:6-7)
Forget about it
Regrets and worries two things that can ruin your life. Some regrets are not what we did, but rather what we didn’t do. Every new day is another chance to change your life. Either you can run from it, or learn from it. Learn but don’t go back. It made us who we are today. Here’s a recent survey 40% of our worries never happen, 30% of our worries concern the past, 12% of our worries are needless health concerns, 10% of our worries are insignificant and petty issues, only 8% of our worries are legitimate. Turn your worries over to God, He’s up all night & awake all day.. Bless You
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Like We Need Another Fashion Term. ;)
Jeggings: Even Hotter This Fall!
Last spring we experienced the birth of jeggings (jeans + leggings). With the look of denim and the feel of Spandex, this garment revolutionized the skinny jean. Just when we thought our pants couldn't get any tighter, we were proven wrong. Celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Sienna Miller embraced this look immediately, and we began lusting after their absurdly high-end versions (like Current/Elliot's shocking $389.40 pair). Now, thanks to a recession-friendly market, there are tons of options (like Walmart's $12 pair).
Since, like the skinny jean, jeggings draw serious attention to your curves, it's important to create a balance when styling an outfit around them. Artful layers and flattering proportions are key here.
Last spring we experienced the birth of jeggings (jeans + leggings). With the look of denim and the feel of Spandex, this garment revolutionized the skinny jean. Just when we thought our pants couldn't get any tighter, we were proven wrong. Celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Sienna Miller embraced this look immediately, and we began lusting after their absurdly high-end versions (like Current/Elliot's shocking $389.40 pair). Now, thanks to a recession-friendly market, there are tons of options (like Walmart's $12 pair).
Since, like the skinny jean, jeggings draw serious attention to your curves, it's important to create a balance when styling an outfit around them. Artful layers and flattering proportions are key here.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Put on your BEST Stilettos & Start Walking
Most of us have read “He’s Just Not That Into You,” or at least seen the movie. We know the rules. We know the score. We can weigh in on our friends’ love lives with perfect clarity, giving them advice, showing them the error of their ways; but yet, when it comes to our own lives…and to that ONE guy…the one that makes us weak in the knees…the one that can pluck at our heart strings with both hands tied behind his back…the one that we hear the opening chords of “Take My Breath Away” every time he’s within a 50 mile radius…our girl power goes out the window faster than you can say “I am woman, hear me roar.” This guy is our blind spot. Our strongest weakness. Our kryptonite. Our Justin Case.
Justin Case (more commonly known as “Just In Case”) is a smooth operator. He knows how to push our buttons. He knows how to get under our skin. He knows how to offer just enough of himself to keep us hooked, sometimes for months and even years at a time. He doesn’t really want us to stay, but he doesn’t really want us to go. He doesn’t ever come out and say yes, but he also doesn’t ever say no. No matter how black or how white we need the terms of our relationship to be, we are willing to stay in a perpetual state of gray just to keep him around. We quite obligingly allow ourselves to take up residence in Relationship Purgatory because we’re not willing to give up the ghost and move on, but we’re also not willing to give up the most and sign on for what could be a life of always being second place. And therein lies the crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic conundrum of Justin Case.
Here’s the bad news: Justin Case will be perfectly content to keep you around, indefinitely, JUST IN CASE something “better” never comes along. And here’s the real kicker: his definition of “something better” usually involves someone that is clearly inferior to the fabulousness that is YOU. For whatever reason, somewhere along the way, he started to see you as the “safe” choice, the in-between girl, the backup plan. Not because you are any of those things but because he is incapable of seeing you clearly enough to realize the diamond he has standing right in front of him. Perhaps his blinders are there out of fear, or immaturity, or (as much as we hate to admit this) maybe he simply prefers Jello to Crème Brulee and no matter how many times you hand him the menu, he’s going to keep choosing Jello. Whatever his reasoning, do you really want to spend another second waiting around for him to realize how incredible you are? Or do you want to make today the day you move on to someone who wants to rock your world, and wants to blow your mind, and will never hand your glass slipper to the wicked stepsister when he has Cinderella standing right in front of him?
Here’s the good news: You’re not a “just in case” girl. You’re a first place girl. When you realize you're worth so much more, it won't be so hard to finally close that door! You have to know when to say when to what might have been and get in line with what can still be. The hardest part is realizing his part in your story is over. Yes, you were crazy about him. No, you can’t just make your feelings disappear like magic. And yes, it’s probably going to hurt for awhile. But here’s the best part: You are stronger than even your strongest weakness. Know your power, lady! There is no one that you are not strong enough to walk away from, so put on your best stilettos and start walking! If he can’t say yes, it’s time for you to say no and GO. The time for hesitation is over. The Future is waiting; and it will never fight with the Past to get your attention. And once you've made the decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find your Future in the rearview mirror.
Ultimately, Justin Case might have been one of those fun tunes to hum along to for awhile, but you can only sing the chorus over and over for so long before you realize the record is skipping; never moving back but also never moving forward. It’s time to stop singing the chorus and start rewriting the verses. Remember: Mr. Right will recognize the music of your heart and sing along to a tune that could never be heard by Mr. Wrong. So go ahead, First Place Girl. Rock his world. In life and in love, there are no points for second place. Mark this night as the night you moved on from Justin Case.#TSW
Justin Case (more commonly known as “Just In Case”) is a smooth operator. He knows how to push our buttons. He knows how to get under our skin. He knows how to offer just enough of himself to keep us hooked, sometimes for months and even years at a time. He doesn’t really want us to stay, but he doesn’t really want us to go. He doesn’t ever come out and say yes, but he also doesn’t ever say no. No matter how black or how white we need the terms of our relationship to be, we are willing to stay in a perpetual state of gray just to keep him around. We quite obligingly allow ourselves to take up residence in Relationship Purgatory because we’re not willing to give up the ghost and move on, but we’re also not willing to give up the most and sign on for what could be a life of always being second place. And therein lies the crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic conundrum of Justin Case.
Here’s the bad news: Justin Case will be perfectly content to keep you around, indefinitely, JUST IN CASE something “better” never comes along. And here’s the real kicker: his definition of “something better” usually involves someone that is clearly inferior to the fabulousness that is YOU. For whatever reason, somewhere along the way, he started to see you as the “safe” choice, the in-between girl, the backup plan. Not because you are any of those things but because he is incapable of seeing you clearly enough to realize the diamond he has standing right in front of him. Perhaps his blinders are there out of fear, or immaturity, or (as much as we hate to admit this) maybe he simply prefers Jello to Crème Brulee and no matter how many times you hand him the menu, he’s going to keep choosing Jello. Whatever his reasoning, do you really want to spend another second waiting around for him to realize how incredible you are? Or do you want to make today the day you move on to someone who wants to rock your world, and wants to blow your mind, and will never hand your glass slipper to the wicked stepsister when he has Cinderella standing right in front of him?
Here’s the good news: You’re not a “just in case” girl. You’re a first place girl. When you realize you're worth so much more, it won't be so hard to finally close that door! You have to know when to say when to what might have been and get in line with what can still be. The hardest part is realizing his part in your story is over. Yes, you were crazy about him. No, you can’t just make your feelings disappear like magic. And yes, it’s probably going to hurt for awhile. But here’s the best part: You are stronger than even your strongest weakness. Know your power, lady! There is no one that you are not strong enough to walk away from, so put on your best stilettos and start walking! If he can’t say yes, it’s time for you to say no and GO. The time for hesitation is over. The Future is waiting; and it will never fight with the Past to get your attention. And once you've made the decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find your Future in the rearview mirror.
Ultimately, Justin Case might have been one of those fun tunes to hum along to for awhile, but you can only sing the chorus over and over for so long before you realize the record is skipping; never moving back but also never moving forward. It’s time to stop singing the chorus and start rewriting the verses. Remember: Mr. Right will recognize the music of your heart and sing along to a tune that could never be heard by Mr. Wrong. So go ahead, First Place Girl. Rock his world. In life and in love, there are no points for second place. Mark this night as the night you moved on from Justin Case.#TSW
"Let Them GO"
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walkI don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.LET THEM GO!And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.LET THEM GO!If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...LET THEM GO!If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET THEM GO!If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET THEM GO!If someone has angered you...LET THEM GO!If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET THEM GO!If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET THEM GO!If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET THEM GO!If you have a bad attitude...LET THEM GO!If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET THEM GO!If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.....LET THEM GO!If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET THEM GO!If you're feeling depressed and stressed...LET THEM GO!Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then...LET THEM GO!
(by T.D. Jakes)
(by T.D. Jakes)
Drinking the Happy Juice
“I just want to be happy” I hear it all the time. Many people are not happy because they are not happy with themselves. Once I changed my attitude, I started to feel better, little by little. When you feel so hopeless and become so negative you don’t see happiness as ever possible, but it is! We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. My happiness also comes from doing things for people that can make their day or a part of their life better. When I can actually play a part in making someone feel better, whether it's by listening and empathizing or maybe it's solving a problem for someone. Hey it work's:) Love you all!
YOU got THIS...!
The world will tell you “seeing is believing” the truth is “believing is seeing” you have to believe in your heart you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. I believe in the power of giving back. My own experience about all the blessings I have had in my life is that the more I give away, the more that comes back. That is the way life works, and that is the way positive energy works. The opposite of faith is fear. Don’t go through life being afraid. The regrets we have are not about what you did but more about what you didn’t do. Ask yourself, what is it you really want to do in life? Now take action towards a new beginning.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Take the Drivers seat.. Drive Baby DRIVE!
Taking control of your life Now... this is the time “Take control of your Life” How many times do we hear someone say "Life is flying by? Where did the time go?" That’s exactly how I felt. I needed to do something about that feeling. I needed to take control of my life! I didn’t want to go through life thinking I wish I could of, I wish I would of. I was determined to make sure my life wasn’t about the “What ifs” So many wait for the 'perfect time' we waste years of our lives waiting on the perfect time. I am here to tell you the ‘perfect time’ never comes unless you make it so.
Sometimes we go through so much of our life feeling like a victim. A victim of a bad relationship, a victim of the economy, a victim of bad business deals whatever it may have been. Most people are victims, victims of their own perception. I no longer feel like a victim, in fact I refuse to be a victim, because I’m in CONTROL! Sometimes friends mistake kindness for weakness. When we are going through our own adversity we neglect confrontation with friends and/or family mostly out of convenience, therefore you may feel taken advantage of.
Don’t look at these situations as mistakes; look at them as learning experiences. Stop this behavior. It’s no one’s fault but your own. This year surround yourself with positive people. To make this work in my life I had to get real honest with myself. Being honest with yourself is the first step in taking control of your life. So let’s take control of our lives!
What is it that bothers you? Are you moody, Jealous, sad, depressed, complaining all the time, feeling tired, no energy, in debt, lazy, a drunk or junkie, can you be a better parent, a better friend, a better person?
What is important to you? Money, freedom, happiness, security, self-respect, love, power, comfortable living, beauty, helping others, etc. Here are a few things that really helped me in my life.
1. Positive attitude: Other than my faith in God this was the key to my happiness. Throughout the day I continue with positive self talk. “It’s going to happen,” “I can do this,” “It’s going to be OK”
2. Take care of yourself: It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
3. Be Thankful: We all go through adversity in life. Take the time to appreciate the good things you have. Some people believe the grass is greener over there or over here. Let me tell you “The Grass is greenest where you water it”
4. Set Goals: Write them down! Here are a few categories of goals I set for this year: personal relationships, work, health, finances and spirituality. List a few goals in each category. Set short term and long term goals. Remember you create your life - so start now by setting your goals.
5. Take Action: Goals are worthless without action. If you have written long-term and short-term goals and prioritized them, you have a plan of action. Take it slow. Do something each day that takes you closer to what you want. Enjoy the journey.
6. Forgiveness: Sometimes people are so fixated on a door that closed in their life they miss the doors of happiness opening up all around them. Remember someone who angers you controls you. Forgive: it’s the most liberating feeling in the world!
7. Self-discipline: Self-discipline is the final step that takes all that we have learned and puts it into action. This is a trait that for most of us has to be developed. To reach our goals we must visualize them as already being accomplished and have faith that we can reach them. When you believe in and trust yourself and have enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.
Remember, It is a process to change old habits. YOU will stumble but stumble forward so your already ahead when you get up..Don't focus your sights on what you did or didn't do...START NOW! Life has a way about it,"YOU concentrate on the Now and the OLD is replaced with Beautiful Blessings called NEW MEMORIES:)
Sometimes we go through so much of our life feeling like a victim. A victim of a bad relationship, a victim of the economy, a victim of bad business deals whatever it may have been. Most people are victims, victims of their own perception. I no longer feel like a victim, in fact I refuse to be a victim, because I’m in CONTROL! Sometimes friends mistake kindness for weakness. When we are going through our own adversity we neglect confrontation with friends and/or family mostly out of convenience, therefore you may feel taken advantage of.
Don’t look at these situations as mistakes; look at them as learning experiences. Stop this behavior. It’s no one’s fault but your own. This year surround yourself with positive people. To make this work in my life I had to get real honest with myself. Being honest with yourself is the first step in taking control of your life. So let’s take control of our lives!
What is it that bothers you? Are you moody, Jealous, sad, depressed, complaining all the time, feeling tired, no energy, in debt, lazy, a drunk or junkie, can you be a better parent, a better friend, a better person?
What is important to you? Money, freedom, happiness, security, self-respect, love, power, comfortable living, beauty, helping others, etc. Here are a few things that really helped me in my life.
1. Positive attitude: Other than my faith in God this was the key to my happiness. Throughout the day I continue with positive self talk. “It’s going to happen,” “I can do this,” “It’s going to be OK”
2. Take care of yourself: It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.
3. Be Thankful: We all go through adversity in life. Take the time to appreciate the good things you have. Some people believe the grass is greener over there or over here. Let me tell you “The Grass is greenest where you water it”
4. Set Goals: Write them down! Here are a few categories of goals I set for this year: personal relationships, work, health, finances and spirituality. List a few goals in each category. Set short term and long term goals. Remember you create your life - so start now by setting your goals.
5. Take Action: Goals are worthless without action. If you have written long-term and short-term goals and prioritized them, you have a plan of action. Take it slow. Do something each day that takes you closer to what you want. Enjoy the journey.
6. Forgiveness: Sometimes people are so fixated on a door that closed in their life they miss the doors of happiness opening up all around them. Remember someone who angers you controls you. Forgive: it’s the most liberating feeling in the world!
7. Self-discipline: Self-discipline is the final step that takes all that we have learned and puts it into action. This is a trait that for most of us has to be developed. To reach our goals we must visualize them as already being accomplished and have faith that we can reach them. When you believe in and trust yourself and have enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.
Remember, It is a process to change old habits. YOU will stumble but stumble forward so your already ahead when you get up..Don't focus your sights on what you did or didn't do...START NOW! Life has a way about it,"YOU concentrate on the Now and the OLD is replaced with Beautiful Blessings called NEW MEMORIES:)
Being Contagious EVERY Day!
Attitude is Everything!
People are so much alike. The one thing that sets people apart is
Attitude. You can change your life by changing your attitude. I
absolutely know this because I did it. My change of attitude altered my life. First off I don’t want to take away from the fact it is my faith
in God that directly changed my attitude. It not only made a huge
impact on my happiness and my success it also had an impact on my
friends, family, my relationships and people I never met. Attitude is
contagious! Is your attitude worth catching? It’s never to late to
change.
Remember attitude is a choice. In life I have always had goals I
strive for. I wrote them down as a young girl. I still do it as an
adult.(I have journals everywhere;) But what’s difference is my enthusiasm and my attitude. It’s never to late to become what you could have been! We become what we think! I can’t fully explain this but when I believe good things will happen they usually do. If you think positive thoughts you get positive results, if you think negative thoughts you will get negative results. I have learned to expect good things.
Henry Ford once said “Whether you think you can, or think you
can’t...you’re right! This positive attitude becomes easier and easier. Why? Because I love being happy.
I love to see people happy! One of the most wonderful things about
having a positive attitude is the number of people you touch. When you make others happy you become happy! The more you give, the more you get back! Even with my positive attitude, goals and enthusiasm we are all faced with adversity in life. It’s how you react to that adversity will dictate your success or failure. I have had some difficult times in my life, lost loved ones and have had some major setbacks but it’s my Faith in God that sustains me. This faith gives me the courage and strength to fulfill the purpose God has for me. So if you ever meet me and say “Kimberly how ya doing?” I will say FABULOUS!! If not I’ll give you 10 bucks! LOL
Have a Beautiful Day & Decide today will be the BEST Day of the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
People are so much alike. The one thing that sets people apart is
Attitude. You can change your life by changing your attitude. I
absolutely know this because I did it. My change of attitude altered my life. First off I don’t want to take away from the fact it is my faith
in God that directly changed my attitude. It not only made a huge
impact on my happiness and my success it also had an impact on my
friends, family, my relationships and people I never met. Attitude is
contagious! Is your attitude worth catching? It’s never to late to
change.
Remember attitude is a choice. In life I have always had goals I
strive for. I wrote them down as a young girl. I still do it as an
adult.(I have journals everywhere;) But what’s difference is my enthusiasm and my attitude. It’s never to late to become what you could have been! We become what we think! I can’t fully explain this but when I believe good things will happen they usually do. If you think positive thoughts you get positive results, if you think negative thoughts you will get negative results. I have learned to expect good things.
Henry Ford once said “Whether you think you can, or think you
can’t...you’re right! This positive attitude becomes easier and easier. Why? Because I love being happy.
I love to see people happy! One of the most wonderful things about
having a positive attitude is the number of people you touch. When you make others happy you become happy! The more you give, the more you get back! Even with my positive attitude, goals and enthusiasm we are all faced with adversity in life. It’s how you react to that adversity will dictate your success or failure. I have had some difficult times in my life, lost loved ones and have had some major setbacks but it’s my Faith in God that sustains me. This faith gives me the courage and strength to fulfill the purpose God has for me. So if you ever meet me and say “Kimberly how ya doing?” I will say FABULOUS!! If not I’ll give you 10 bucks! LOL
Have a Beautiful Day & Decide today will be the BEST Day of the REST OF YOUR LIFE!
THANK GOD for YESTERDAY'S
I once believed my happiest days were behind me. Thru Divorce I found myself asking," How much pain can one person take?" I remember when I hit rock bottom I didn’t want to be here anymore.. A pain I never experienced before. I never felt depression like that. What I had seen as a little girl for my grown up life sure didn't look like what I was staring at.
Then it all changed. I got on my knees and asked God to help me, help me to persevere, help me to forgive, help me to be a better person and most important help me to do HIS will. My life changed. I started with the most positive attitude. You see fear builds mountains Faith removes them. Lot’s of positive affirmations (positive self talk) Every time a negative thought entered my mind I would fight it with my Faith. I believed there was so much more than just going through the motions of life. I wanted to live and live more than I have ever lived before. I realized God had a purpose in my life.
God showed me how precious life is. I will never take for granted what I have been blessed with. I will spend my life giving back. The tallest I ever stood was when I got down on my knees.
Thank you Jesus....
God Bless & Believe Today Will Be The Best Day of The Rest of Your Life!!
Then it all changed. I got on my knees and asked God to help me, help me to persevere, help me to forgive, help me to be a better person and most important help me to do HIS will. My life changed. I started with the most positive attitude. You see fear builds mountains Faith removes them. Lot’s of positive affirmations (positive self talk) Every time a negative thought entered my mind I would fight it with my Faith. I believed there was so much more than just going through the motions of life. I wanted to live and live more than I have ever lived before. I realized God had a purpose in my life.
God showed me how precious life is. I will never take for granted what I have been blessed with. I will spend my life giving back. The tallest I ever stood was when I got down on my knees.
Thank you Jesus....
God Bless & Believe Today Will Be The Best Day of The Rest of Your Life!!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Change your Thinking....Change your life
We all go thru adversities in life. You might be reading this and your marriage or relationship is in trouble.You are struggling finacial or your health is bad.What do you say about the situation you are in? You can predict your own destruction or you can predict that you are an overcomer that you will live and not die. You can declare that health is yours. Prosperity is yours.Joy is yours.You can speak into exsistence that your marriage will work.You will get that Job.You will get whatever God has in store for you. God said it...So Declare it. Your victory is in your mouth. We become what we think. I have truly grasped an understanding of God's Love for me. He said it so I absolutley DON'T doubt it..I'm not afraid, I just walk and do. Once I realized that I needed to stop trying to change everyone eles, it was me who had to change. I had to get away from the "Stinking Thinking"I had to separate myself from Negative People.Start today not today, not tomorrow,not next week but TODAY.Right now think of something positive, something beautiful. You have to crawl before you can run As you renew your mind with wonderful thoughts you will get stronger and stronger and watch beautiful things happen in your life. I am no different than anyone eles reading this I just made the choice I would not be a victim.I am in control of my destination and I choose to believe every promise that the Lord has for my life will live and I will walk out.
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